Ellen Gould White über: "What does Ellen White advise a middle-aged, married man who grew up in the church but was probably never truly converted? He is severely depressed, no longer attends church or pays tithe, and wants to separate from his mentally ill wife."

No relevant passages were found in the writings of Ellen G. White for this question. Therefore, what follows is not documented personal advice from her, but a direct response from a biblical perspective and in keeping with her known principles.

First, this man needs help—not condemnation

Severe depression is not simply a sign of insufficient faith. Withdrawing, no longer attending worship, and giving up established habits can be signs of a serious illness or of being overwhelmed. These things do not reliably show that he was never truly converted. God knows his heart and his entire life story. “The LORD is close to the brokenhearted” (Psalm 34:18).

In keeping with Ellen White’s holistic understanding of human beings, his physical, emotional, and spiritual distress should all be taken seriously. In cases of severe depression, a prompt medical and psychological or psychiatric assessment is important. Prayer, pastoral care, and supportive relationships can accompany this treatment, but they cannot replace it. Needing treatment is not a sign of a failure of faith.

If he speaks about not wanting to live anymore, ask him calmly and directly about suicidal thoughts. If he is at immediate risk of harming himself, he needs help right away: do not leave him alone, and contact the local emergency services, such as 112 in Germany.

Respect the marriage—and protect both people

In the biblical understanding, marriage is a binding covenant and should not be abandoned lightly (Matthew 19:6). His wife’s mental illness makes her no less lovable or worthy. At the same time, marital faithfulness does not mean that a spouse must bear every burden without limits or support.

Before a final decision is made, it is important to ask: Is he seriously ill himself? Is he overwhelmed by caregiving? Is there violence, are there threats, or are there other dangers? What treatment and relief are both receiving? If there is no immediate danger, irreversible decisions should, as far as possible, not be made in the midst of an acute depressive crisis.

A temporary separation, supported by professionals, may in some circumstances provide protection and stability; it is not automatically the same as permanently ending the marriage. In cases of violence or immediate danger, safety comes first. Both spouses need individual support. Joint counseling may be helpful, provided it is safe and manageable for both.

Church and tithe: an invitation rather than pressure

Ellen White placed great importance on fellowship, stewardship, and tithe. Nevertheless, in this situation it would be wrong to begin the conversation by reproaching him about church attendance or money. God’s love cannot be purchased through payments. This man now needs people who will listen, remain dependable, and offer practical help. “Carry each other’s burdens” (Galatians 6:2).

A gentle path back might begin with a personal conversation, a short visit, or a shared prayer—without pressuring him. Questions about his relationship with Christ and financial faithfulness have their place, but they should not be used to pressure him.

What you might say to him

“You don’t have to face this crisis alone. We don’t want to judge you; we want to understand how you are doing. Let’s seek professional help and support for you and your wife. You don’t have to decide the course of your whole life today. Even if you feel little hope or faith right now, God has not given up on you.”

If you are supporting him, offer concrete help—for example, arranging a doctor’s appointment, accompanying him, or organizing practical assistance. Also respect his wife’s dignity and confidentiality.

Note: For this particular Adventist and biblical pastoral-care question, I am not relying on any Ellen White documents found. The answer is based on general knowledge of the Bible and Adventist beliefs; it is not a substitute for a documented statement by Ellen White or for individual medical or pastoral advice.